rp | all the hurt that brought me here

[aworldonfire]

It's a miracle, he thinks, that he got away from Nobu, from Fisk. It's a miracle that he made it back to his apartment, as beaten as he is. It's a miracle, but singing the praises of God doesn't follow him much past the door, not because he doesn't want to but because, while he's still alive, still fighting, he's rapidly devolving into hysterical thought thanks to the blood loss, and what he's stricken by, standing in the doorway of the rooftop access, is that he remembers what red looks like, would swear he could see it.

It's in the taste of his own blood in his mouth, after all, the wash of pain in his stomach and chest that rushes over him whenever he draws breath, the smell of metal (not his own, not copper, so much blood, oh, God), clinging to his wounds, where he was stabbed again and again and again. It all permeates as much as Clint's cover's body spray did, the red, making it hard to think, hard to see beyond his absent sight, and he takes a drunken step forward, presses his fingers to the wall that runs alongside the steps that come down into his apartment, hoping it will help, praying for a touchstone. He makes it down a handful of stairs, something like wild optimism rising in his chest, alongside the pain (he can make it, if he can just make it to the phone, make it to Claire), before it all goes to hell.

His foot catches on something, something likely broken by him, by Stick, less than a handful of days ago, and he trips. He hits the remaining steps face-first, so fast it takes him a moment to register what just happened, to grunt, no more winded that he already was (is his lung punctured? he can't tell. it hurts. father forgive him -- both of them), and try to sit up. All he manages is to slide the rest of the way down the steps to the ground and for black to join the red, a memory of tunnel vision closing in on the edges of his mind's eye, as what little he can get from his other senses slips, stutters, unconsciousness creeping up on him. He doesn't try to get up again, after that, just lays there, panting. He doesn't even hear the door opening again above him, practically miles away.

He doesn't know how many minutes pass, him laying there, but eventually and what seems to him suddenly, something occurs to him. He shifts again, not trying to get up this time but to press his shaking fingers to the comm at his ear, always worn, just in case, but rarely used outside of his team ups with Clint and Natasha. It takes him three tries to actually get there, actually find his ear, and when he manages, it takes a moment more of false starts to fight past the black and find the breath for his words. It never occurs to him to think that the Avengers, if they're listening, already know what's going on, if only to a certain degree, that the comms are always transmitting, always receiving, that help may already be on the way.

"Little -- little help here?" he chokes out. "I need help. Please."

The red and black catch up to him, after that, as relentless as he's ever been in the same colors, and he slips into something like twilight.

Comments

[aworldonfire]

"Sometimes," Matt agrees, teasing. The smile that comes along with it lasts a little longer, this time, if only out of gratitude that he still has the right to bust Foggy's balls. Did he mention that losing him as a friend really was a concern of his?

[avocado_atlaw]

Foggy makes a face at him, and then, in possibly one of the first of many, holds up a finger to flip him off. "How many fingers am I holding up, asshole?" he asks, though without heat, just holding back a grin of his own.

He might not be dealing with the same side of the crisis as Matt - he was more worried about whether or not he really knew him or not than losing him in anything beyond the injuries being more than Bruce could fix - but it is a relief that Matt looks so much less death-like than he did last night, that he's actually in a shape to joke around instead of barely stringing together a sentence.

[aworldonfire]

"One," Matt answers, something matter-of-fact in his tone, almost sarcastic, albeit still teasingly so. It's on par with an eye roll, really. Yes, he can 'see' your middle finger, Foggy. Thanks for that. "Right back at you."

[avocado_atlaw]

Foggy just grins at him outright, now. "That is both seriously awesome and seriously freaky," he tells him in lieu of further snark.

[aworldonfire]

Matt lets out a breath of a laugh, still amused, but a touch embarrassed now, too. "Not that it wouldn't have been hard to guess, considering, but ... " Yeah, he used his superpowers on that one. "Sorry."

[avocado_atlaw]

"Nah, seriously. I'm gonna... try my hardest not to get used to it." Because if he gets used to it, he's liable to give it away at some inopportune moment. "But you've got an actual superpower, man. That's awesome."

[aworldonfire]

"Yeah, it's -- pretending's the hard part," Matt admits, a little of his smile slipping. He thinks of the nuns, who thought he was losing his mind (maybe he was), before Stick. He thinks of his father, before them, who he never told his secrets to, even if what he could do wasn't nearly as developed then (he knew something was wrong or at least different). He thinks of after all of it, before Foggy, after him, all of it still an effort, in certain situations.

"Anything fast or loud is still kind of ... " It's reflex to respond, especially now, doing what he does with his nights, when fast and loud usually equates to some asshole with a gun taking shots at him. Thankfully, he has the discipline to clamp down on what's become muscle memory, in the former case, and in the latter, well. He can at least get away with reacting to that.

"But -- thanks," he finishes, finally.

[avocado_atlaw]

"Yeah," Foggy returns, acknowledging the thanks, because he's not actually sure what to say to the rest of it. And he has something related to ask anyway.

"And, uh. Speaking of superheroes." He pauses a beat. "'Daredevil'?" Because yes, he heard Steve say it on the way in, even if he did it quietly.

[aworldonfire]

"Oh, uh," Matt starts, looking thankfully amused again. "Barton and Romanoff decided Devil of Hell's Kitchen really didn't work as a call sign, if they wanted my attention in a hurry." A beat. "Too long." And another. "They kind of -- they decided just Devil sounded stupid, I vetoed Dread Pirate Murdock ... "

He shrugs. "Eventually, we decided on Daredevil, for my codename."

And if he looks a little hopeful, afterwards? Tell him that's not a stupid codename, Foggy, please?

[avocado_atlaw]

Foggy considers it for a moment before he finally nods. "Definitely less of a mouthful than 'Devil of Hell's Kitchen'." A beat. "And it's less likely to invite Gordon Ramsey puns."

He approves, yes.

[aworldonfire]

"To be fair," Matt starts, holding up a hand, "I didn't actually come up with that one." The whole Devil of Hell's Kitchen thing. He's not sure who did, exactly, beyond knowing it came out of the Bugle, but.

[avocado_atlaw]

"I know you didn't. But I won't be able to give you hell about it when Karen or anybody else is around, so I had to get that one in now."

Because seriously. Other than wanting to punch the guy in the face, that was the second thought Foggy'd had about the vigilante.

[aworldonfire]

Snorting into his coffee, Matt takes a moment to finish it out and set the empty cup on the floor before he asks, "Anything else you feel like you need to get out of your system?"

He won't mind sitting through a few puns, if Foggy wants to throw them at him. Really, it'll be the least terrible thing he's had to endure, these past few days.

[avocado_atlaw]

"Uh," Foggy begins, looking and sounding thoughtful. "No," he decides, finally. "But I reserve the right to come back to them in the future."

You deserve bad puns, Matt. All of them.

[aworldonfire]

"Remind me to start making paper balls to throw at you, next time we're in the office," Matt shoots back. Again, the lady doth protest too much. "Or maybe the next time you step out for something. It'll give me something to do, to kill time, while I'm on house arrest."

[avocado_atlaw]

Foggy makes a little discontented noise back at him, because, for all his teasing, the fact that Matt can see his facial expressions would actually take some getting used to. "No fair using your ninja skills against the civilians."

[aworldonfire]

"Price of knowing," Matt argues. He holds up his hands, making a triangle with his fingers. "Pelted with those little paper footballs for all eternity."

[avocado_atlaw]

"There's nothing to stop me throwing them back at your ninja ass," he returns, and he would likely flip him off again if he hadn't already used that gag in the last few minutes.

He pauses and then, more seriously, asks, "Where'd you get the get-up, speaking of ninjas."

[aworldonfire]

"I never said you couldn't," he promises, dropping his hands again.

The smile goes with it in measures, a heartbeat later, and at the question. Not that he's bothered by it, it's more, well -- a serious question deserves a serious expression. A shrug, too, apparently, if the one that follows is any indication.

"The internet, mostly." A beat. "Stark redid a couple of the pieces for me, though -- the cowl, the sticks I carry around. I guess he was worried I'd already taken too many blows to the head, considering."

Considering he'd climbed an elevator shaft, the first time he'd met them. That's totally why Tony made him a new cowl. Yep. It has nothing to do with the fact that he was probably worried Matt was going to get shot in the head, one of these days, and that nylon wouldn't do jack, in that case.

[avocado_atlaw]

"Good," Foggy returns, like he thought Matt might have actually been considering trying to forbid him from it - and then turns a little more serious as Matt does.

"I could have told you about the blows to the head," he returns, and okay, maybe not so serious. "You really thought this all through, though, didn't you?"

[aworldonfire]

"Not as much as you'd think." Really, Foggy, look at what he's been running around in, the last few months. If he'd known he was going to take on the Russian mob, the Triads, and the Yakuza, under Fisk's thumb or otherwise, he might have looked for something a little more durable than a long-sleeved shirt, some tactical pants and a couple of wooden dowels. "Not to start, anyway. It's all kind of ... evolved, as things have gotten more serious."

Going from a strap of cloth wrapped over his eyes to a full head cover to the cowl. Going from the aforementioned wooden dowels to polycarbonate batons. The next step, he thinks, might be to swallow his pride and ask Stark if he can make him a real suit -- and for more than just Foggy's peace of mind. He really doesn't want a repeat of what happened last night any time soon.

"I really wasn't planning on ... "

Going after anything bigger than drunks that liked to beat their wives and purse snatchers is where he's headed with that. He stops if only because, as much as he wasn't expecting all of this, in hindsight, it seems sort of inevitable. Like he told Foggy, last night, he couldn't in good conscience let what's been happening around the Kitchen keep happening. Eventually, whether he liked it or not, he would have ended up on the Russians, on Fisk, all the same. He wonders if that's proof of God's supposed plan for everyone.

[avocado_atlaw]

"I know you, Matt," he begins. "You might not have planned on it going this far, but if Fisk hadn't given you a reason, something else would have." Foggy really doesn't blame Matt for that, either - he followed him away from the cushiest of all possible jobs in the name of the little guy and their souls, after all.

"I already knew you could adapt." Matt had to know Foggy had already respected what he could do despite being blind, even without knowing just how he was doing it all. "Not the super sense thing, but. It's... relative, or something. I assume you're a blind guy who's really good at navigating a world really not made for blind guys, and you've actually taken it all to a whole different level."

And he really hopes that makes sense out of his own head, because he's not entirely sure it does, but he's also not sure how to word it better. He was surprised, obviously, but. Maybe he shouldn't have been. Maybe he should have known this was something Matt would do.

And yes, he would appreciate if he got extra protection to keep someone making swiss cheese from him again. He was already worried about Matt walking into traffic or getting hit by a falling piano or something; now he has to be worried about evil ninjas.

[aworldonfire]

"Why I stopped," Matt allows, flashing him a thin smile to go along with that statement. "It wasn't something I planned from the outset, but looking back at it now? It's like you said. Even if it hadn't been Fisk ... "

He shakes his head, letting it go there. Silence follows as he's not really sure what to say, beyond it. He thinks that suggesting that Foggy might know him better than he knows himself, sometimes, might feel like a slap in the face, all things considered, even if it would be something he meant honestly, after all.

[avocado_atlaw]

Foggy nods, too, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. For a few long moments, he's not sure what to say, either, and then finally, he starts again, "We're okay." He knows he said that before, but he wants to say it again, for both their sakes. "This whole thing is still going to take me a while to get used to, but... don't keep me out of the loop for my own peace of mind, okay?"

Because he feels like that's something Matt will do, and he might actually kill someone himself if something else happens and he has to find out after the fact.

[aworldonfire]

"There's something things I'm not going to be able to tell you," Matt starts, an apologetic look on his face. Right now, no, he's not comfortable with keeping Foggy in the loop (though that can and likely will change as he gets used to all of this), but it's not just that. Like he told himself, if no one else, earlier, "And it's not -- it's a case of plausible deniability.

"If something happens ... " If he gets arrested, if he gets killed, he doesn't want Foggy to be left holding the bag.